U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
