I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
