you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
