I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
