from now on my penis is your penis
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize