as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no, he came in my armpit
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
