at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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