You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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