I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
