your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
