Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
