I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
