Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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