maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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