What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
