Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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