We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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