Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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