I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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