While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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