I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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