your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
