best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize