Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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