Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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