I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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