you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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