I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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