i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize