I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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