I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
