I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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