Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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