Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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