I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
