when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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