We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
