Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
