I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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