Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
