Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
