you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
