i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
