u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
