I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
