Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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