Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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