At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
