My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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