Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
