She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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