Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
