I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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