I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
