Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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