yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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