so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
