Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize