I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
