Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
