i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
