When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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