I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
