I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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