so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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