So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
